Funny or Not

Let's play a game called, Is This Funny or Not? You will read a text conversation I had recently with a friend. I was at work when the conversation took place, so I was bored, naturally. Typically, when I'm bored, I do one of two things. I either bite my nails or I find ways to amuse myself, often in some sort of improvisational way. Which is what I did. My friend played the straight man quite well, by the way. You will join the conversation at the tail end of a beautifully delivered pep talk I gave to my friend who has been struggling in softball. Let's play.

Friend: I have softball at 6pm, so I will have to see.

Me: Okay, good luck. Keep your eye on the ball use two hands when catching and have fun.

F: I will do my best. Lately, I suck though.

Me: Keep your head up. Just take good cuts and everything will work out. All players go through slumps.

F: Wow, thanks coach.

Me: You're welcome. Pep talks are my specialty. Well, that and flower arrangements.

F: Flower arrangements?

Me: Yes, they're my real passion in life. I make them in baskets. Wicker and non-wicker. Sometimes in the shape of things - like garden gnomes and lawn jockeys.

F: How come I don't see them in the house?

Me: I give them away immediately or bury them in the yard. For extra, I will create them in your home, so I can feel inspired by the aura of your living space.

F: Do I have to make an appointment?

Me: Usually, but sometimes there are cancellations due to illness, allergies, or demonic possession.

F: Understandable.

Me: Did you want to make an appointment or are you just inquiring? You should know that I cannot be held liable for any subsequent spirit infestations once my ritual has been finished.

F: I will sign the waiver.

Me: It's all in the contract. I'll have Virgil bring it over. Be sure to read subsection C. It details what kind of beings may inhabit your home via the gateway. They're mostly good, but sometimes you get poltergeists, succubi, or the homeless. It's like our motto says, Without demons there wouldn't be exorcists. Could you imagine the unemployment rate if exorcists weren't in demand? I get the chills just thinking about it.

That was when my friend lost interest in the direction of the conversation. Friend started complaining about cherries tasting like they were soaked in olive juice. I said, they probably were. Since garnishes aren't kept separate and sometimes they integrate, which is called progress.

Well, funny or not.